


The Most Dangerous Thing Is To Love

by Amberly



Series: Just Like Heaven [9]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pre-Slash, Violence, alternating povs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26919985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amberly/pseuds/Amberly
Summary: Duo’s a workaholic these days. He pours over papers and focuses on intel reports and mission reports and careful, pointed interviews with his team. Endless files and reports and Duo opens the most recent. It’s anonymous, they all are, compiled and filtered in by interns somewhere in the bowels of the Preventer’s office, and then shuffled to Zechs, who assesses and evaluates and finally sends them to Duo. It’s Duo’s decision which sends his team into the field, and lately he relies on Zechs’. Sends the team where Zechs sees threats. What’s left of his team, which is none of the original members even though it’s barely been two years. Barely two years and 12 deaths, scattered over the months and he’s not even trying to get sleep anymore.
Relationships: Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell
Series: Just Like Heaven [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/405643
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	The Most Dangerous Thing Is To Love

**Author's Note:**

> I have no self control! It's finished and I'm posting it for Reasons. 
> 
> Thank you to those reading and kudosing and commenting and cheering me on. It's so great to share this with people, and especially with people who appreciate it.

Duo’s a workaholic these days. He pours over papers and focuses on intel reports and mission reports and careful, pointed interviews with his team. Endless files and reports and Duo opens the most recent. It’s anonymous, they all are, compiled and filtered in by interns somewhere in the bowels of the Preventer’s office, and then shuffled to Zechs, who assesses and evaluates and finally sends them to Duo. It’s Duo’s decision which sends his team into the field, and lately he relies on Zechs’. Sends the team where Zechs sees threats. What’s left of his team, which is none of the original members even though it’s barely been two years. Barely two years and 12 deaths, scattered over the months and he’s not even trying to get sleep anymore. Between this and Wufei he--   
  
Duo reads the report.    
  
It’s the fastest way to cut the thought off. Any thoughts. The reports have a pattern, he’s sure of it, and he’s collected bits and pieces of it in the four months since he’s started investigating. Secretly, without letting the team know, without letting Zechs know, and lately he’s cut out the others too. Doesn’t want to answer Heero’s questions. Won’t talk to Wufei. He is paranoid and withdrawn and aching, the guilt of death and love so swirled together he isn’t sure which is which anymore. Lately he lets Zechs handle coordinating the team and searches through intel looking for something he can identify. Looking for something else he can add to his growing pile of pieces. The clips of too similar language and the something off about the document itself and Duo is desperate at this point. 

He goes home to a house built by the man he loves and shuts himself in. Paints in a studio designed for him with wide strokes and the color of Wufei’s laughter. Sketches out secrets and want, endless want, and tries to be normal, when he can. When what he feels isn’t stuck in his throat, ready to leap out if he only opened his lips. There are quiet movie nights and comfortable dinners and sometimes how normal and easy it almost makes Duo want to be brave. Almost makes him want to speak up or reach out or do anything that will relieve the heavy tension he carries tight across his shoulders and clenched around his shoulders. Wufei is too important to risk and it leaves Duo anxious and fidgeting and more focused on work than he’s ever been in his life, taking it home and pouring over it even when there’s nothing new.    
  
Here, at least, is a problem he can solve.

* * *

Wufei isn’t in the field as often as he used to be. He’s only in it now as a favor to Duo, who had asked him in that same tentative tone he used for everything these days. Like Wufei would wound him, strike out, and it hurts like a bruise on his heart when he thinks about it too long. He knows. It’s the only thing Wufei can think of to explain it, and no one he trusts to ask. Since their talk on the couch things are different but not how they were different before. They lived in a house he had designed, he had built, and--Wufei jerks his attention back to the task at hand. There are three trainees with him. Their first time in the field, and he owes it to them and owes it to Duo to bring them back alive. It’s a final assessment of their skills and Wufei’s focus shifts. Drops away from the holes in his heart and zeros in on the building around him, the distant sound of footsteps.    
  
They’re paired off, two by two, and Wufei signals to the giant of a man next to him. Pete nods and creeps forward at a crouch, gun drawn. It’s simple recon. That’s all it’s supposed to be, anyway, but Wufei can’t help the itch between his shoulder blades. He knows why Duo wanted him here. Why he asked Wufei to take them instead of sending them alone. Something is wrong.They’ve known it for a while now and Wufei knows it’s a risk to be in the field--there’s been too many deaths, too many whole teams wiped out, and Duo is strung together with clay and wire. It makes it harder to be held at arms length, and he is. Wufei knows it, even if Duo won’t admit it and--there’s another sound. A scrape, like metal against metal   
  
Everything within him goes silent. Stops with his heart as he listens and then jerks forward. Joins Pete where he’s tucked himself behind two barrels and a stack of crates. They are in the basement of an office building. Broke in through a window the intel said would be mostly blocked, and then split up. He’s with Pete. Mags is with Simon. These are the top three of his most recent class. They are the best of the incoming Preventer’s and he knows more of their stories than he’d like to, from the interviews he’s done and Duo’s done and the sense of responsibility settles firmly on his shoulders as he puts his hand on Pete’s shoulder. Sends a quick signal through the comms, two short clicks.    
  
An alert.    


* * *

“You’re still here.” The sudden voice makes Duo jump. He bangs his leg on the desk and scrambles to catch his coffee. Glares at the massive shape in his doorway.    
  
“I’m  _ working. _ I know that’s a weird concept to you, Tro. You should try it.”    
  
“There is no reason for sarcasm. I was simply surprised to see that you are here at this late of an hour,” Trowa invites himself into the office. “You are usually at home having dinner with Wufei.”    
  
“Wufei’s in the field.” Duo clenches his jaw and breathes out through his nose. Tries not to react to the fact that Trowa is just as perceptive as the rest of them, if not more. Duo loves Wufei, is in love with Wufei, and Trowa is more than capable of seeing it on his face. Reading between the lines of all the things he doesn’t say. “Wanted his feedback on some of the potentials from his latest training class.”

Trowa sits across from him and folds his hands behind his head, propping his feet up on the desk, long body splayed out. Graceful and still somehow gangly, but that could be Duo. Could be that Duo has watched Trowa shoot up and spend months all knees and elbows. Affection surges through him and he thinks, for a moment, about telling him. About peeling back the skin around his ribs to let him read the words written on his heart. The impulse is gone as soon as the Russian opens his mouth.    
  
“Are they good?”   
  
“Of course they’re good,” Duo scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Wufei trained them. They’re the best.”    
  
“Such pride in him.” 

"Come on, Tro. Wufei is a badass, you know that.”    
  
“He is a badass. And very attractive.” There’s a something in Trowa’s eyes. A something that Duo doesn’t like, watching as Trowa’s hands move from behind his head to settle across his belly. “I am thinking perhaps I should ask him out. Since his last date did not go so well.”    
  
“You--what?” Duo chokes out, betrayed and furious. He sees red and then black, has bolted to his feet without realizing it. And then he sees Trowa. The twitch at the corner of his lips. The calm cool assessing of his green eyes. 

Duo sits heavily.

* * *

He gets two answering clicks. Wufei breathes a sigh of relief. Motions for Pete to stay where he is and crouches lower. Sneaks a peek and edges toward another stack of crates. He hears that sound again. Metal against metal. Hears a slow drag across concrete. There’s a smell he almost recognizes in the air. Something he knows, something he’s been trained to identify and it’s right there, right on the tip of his tongue and--he goes white. Carefully sneaks back toward where he’s left Pete and sends out another set of signals. This isn’t something he needs to see to know. He’s been around Duo long enough to know what explosives smell like and he doesn’t want to guess at what the rest of the sounds he hears are. Doesn’t want to start trying to assess how much or how big the explosion would be without getting everyone else out, first.    
  
“You have to go back,” Wufei whispers, without sound. As low as he can make it, behind the stack of crates and completely hidden from view. Pete starts to protest and Wufei holds up his hand. Gives him a look that he knows will shut him up. It works and Wufei starts again, just as quiet. Just as careful. “Go back, get Mags and Simon, and get out. Call for backup.”    
  
Backup will take too long. Wufei knows this. Is hoping that Pete doesn’t. Is hoping that if he fails Duo will forgive him when he finds out he’s left everything to him. Pete nods and moves back into a crouch. Starts to back up and it is in that moment that everything goes to shit. There’s a sudden whistle and a click and a hole right in the middle of his forehead. Wufei makes no sound. Wufei taps out the abandon mission signal and tightens his grip on his gun. He thinks of Duo. Of violet eyes and the way he always smells of sandalwood, especially fresh from the shower. Of the stubborn curl that falls out of every messy bun he makes and settles against the pale curve of his neck.    
  
Wufei closes his eyes and prays to dimples and freckles and the only person he believes in.

* * *

“Well,” Duo sighs. Runs his hand over his face. “What do you want me to say, Tro?” 

“I do not think that you need to say anything. I think that you have said enough with only your face.”    
  
Duos eyes go wide. His face drains of color and he looks at Trowa with horror. The man moves immediately. Reaches out and takes Duo’s face in his hands and tutts. 

“I did not mean like that. He does not know. Duo--” 

“Don’t--” 

“It is okay. Duo, it is fine. He does not know and even if he does--Duo, do you really think that little of Wufei? That he would abandon you simply because you love him?” Trowa is firm. Trowa leaves Duo no room to maneuver and all he can do is nod. Helplessly, hands coming up to grip Trowa’s wrists tightly. Duo opens his mouth. Duo closes his mouth. Trowa sighs and shakes his head. “Brat. Listen to me. I do not know why it is that you cannot see what is in front of your face, and I know that I cannot convince you of things. But I can tell you that Wufei is better than that. You know that he is better than that.”    
  
“I--” Trowa is right. Duo swallows and nods. He sits down. Feels the panic rise and fall and rise and settle, finally, into the same knot it’s always been. Painful, but manageable, Trowa’s forehead against his.    
  
“You need to tell him,” Trowa says as he pulls away. “You are working yourself to death. He misses you. And I know that you are missing him.” Duo stares mutely at him. He nods. It’s not that he thinks Trowa is right, it’s more that he knows he can’t keep carrying it. He has to speak it out and let it go and then--whatever happens next. Trowa nods sharply and stands. “Good. I will let you go back to your report.”   
  
Duo barely hears him leave. There’s a dull roaring in his ears and heat all over and he has a moment where he can’t breathe. It passes. He swallows and looks back at the report. Rereads it. Reads it a third time and then frowns. Leafs through his pile of papers. His piles of reports and intel and chicken scratch notes and pulls up the very first one. Puts it next to the report he’s been staring at for what feels like hours and reads them side by side. He stands. Rubs his eyes, convinced it can’t be what it looks like. Convinced that--he goes back. He reads them again and it’s right there. They’re identical, every word. Every phrase. It’s the same damn tip and--It’s the same damn tip and Wufei is there--Wufei is on that mission.    
  
Duo goes cold.    
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please do not hate me.


End file.
